Should I Be Obsessed to Be Successful?
The Seduction of Expectations vs. The Trap of Obsession
Bombardments of smiles, weekly celebrations, and constant displays of achievements. It’s like everyone has life completely figured out.
When I started writing this article, I initially made a list of "success stories," but the more bullet points I added to my- very subjective- list of successful archetypes, the more I realized there were just too many. Every day, as soon as I switch off my alarm and open an app, I see them: people who seem happy and who are clearly "making it."
It doesn’t take long to fall into the vicious cycle of daily questions: Should I be doing more, working harder, hustling 24/7? Surely those who’ve achieved X have sacrificed everything to get here, right? How ironic it is that this loop of questions is so unavoidable.
And, well, surrounded by all these glory moments, it makes sense that we’d drown in the depths of the ocean I call insecurity. In a context where everyone is pushed to constantly achieve and never stop, we can't help but feel unstable the moment we relax or simply enjoy ourselves.
So, does success always require obsession?
What the Hell is Success? Personal vs. Social Achievements
Success is a strong word, but it means different things to different people. For some, it’s owning a big house or a car. For others, it could be finding the time to read a book peacefully on a sunny Sunday afternoon, while the sun shines on the bedroom window, or simply putting the kids to sleep.
But as I’ve mulled over this topic, I’ve started to discover new angles. Maybe we’re looking at the problem from the wrong side of the street.
Generally, we don’t stop to ask ourselves what success truly means to us. We adopt other people's definitions, mimic behaviors, and repeat phrases that sound cool (but we probably heard them somewhere else). And when the answers are hard to find, we fall back on standard definitions: a well-paid job, a flawless life, a daily smile.
From an early age, we’ve been programmed to follow a single version of success, measuring ourselves against these generalised rules. But how satisfied does that borrowed definition leave you?
Maybe the real question is: are you chasing something you genuinely care about, or just what you were told you should want?
The Trap of Obsession
Now, let’s say you’ve defined (or think you’ve defined) success. You’re convinced, and you’re running after the prize. Let’s be honest: in these flashes of ambition, we’re very prone to obsession. It becomes the only place we want to invest our energy. And here’s where things get tricky.
Unfortunately, when success turns into obsession, it starts demanding more than it gives back. Spending too much time focused on achieving goals can lead to burnout – that feeling of physical and mental exhaustion from overthinking. And let’s not even talk about the anxiety that comes from believing you’re never doing enough, that there’s always something more you should be working on.
At this point, your creativity stalls. You’ve killed it.
But, as I mentioned in my previous article, sometimes we forget to consider that maybe we’re chasing the wrong goal.
By chasing borrowed goals, we end up battling mediocrity, and after a while, we wonder why “the good stuff” is taking so long. The reality is, it’s hard to excel at something if you don’t love it. And, measuring your worth through how many things you check off your to-do list, the obsession with productivity distances you from what truly matters.
Conditions that Trap Us
I can’t talk about success or ambition without acknowledging an uncomfortable truth: not everyone has the same resources to break free from this cycle. Sometimes, it’s not as easy as walking away from the rat race when economic or social conditions keep you trapped. It’s not just about chasing dreams; it’s about surviving in a system that often pushes us to follow its rules just to make ends meet.
Economic stability pressures: For many people, working isn’t a choice—it’s a basic necessity.
Lack of access to opportunities: The context we’re born or live in plays a massive role too.
The myth of "hard work": We deceive ourselves into thinking that hard work is all it takes when millions of responsible people still can’t get ahead because the system is rigged for only a few to make it.
Small changes within the system: Stepping outside the system may not always be an option, but it’s possible to make small changes.
Ambition vs. Obsession
Healthy ambition can be powerful, while obsession blinds and consumes us. The key is that ambition should come from passion and a clear sense of purpose, not from fear of failure or constant comparison.
You don’t have to sacrifice everything for success, especially if you haven’t clearly defined what success is for you. The reality is there are many ways to achieve your goals without losing sight of yourself.
Towards a Sustainable View of Success
As we grow and change, our definitions of success should evolve too. What you consider success today might not be the same in five years, and that’s perfectly fine! The real challenge is letting go of external expectations and redefining success according to what resonates with you at each stage.
For me, letting go of those external pressures has allowed me to find a more authentic version of success. Today, for example, success means allowing myself to become who I’m meant to be—like writing Life Menu (wink, wink).
So, the coach in me can’t resist leaving you with a few actionable steps to help you create a balanced and sustainable approach in your own pursuit of success:
Disclaimer: I’m also telling these things to myself, so don’t think I’ve mastered the art of world domination just yet.
Reevaluate what success means to you today, not what it meant before.
Make sure your goals align with your values, not with the expectations of what you should value.
Resting is also part of a productive life.
Celebrate and take care of yourself—if you don’t, why would anyone else?
Failures are part of the journey to success—they’re usually the seed of growth.
Surround yourself with people who share your values. ❤️
Enough Unboxing, Give Me the Good Stuff
Robert Greene talked about these topics in this reel, which I found pretty cool.
In Berlin – This week I went to my first art coaching session, which was incredible. Combining meditation and coaching, Almut C. Hüfler gathered five people on a Saturday morning to help us connect our blocks with artworks displayed at the Galerie Anna… and I understood more about myself than I expected.
In Buenos Aires – While this bed and rug are my only belongings (apart from the frying pan I bought at the corner shop), I still have some items from my house in BA for sale. Go check them out—prices have dropped!
I’ve had loads of feedback and I want more! What’s your take on success?
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xoxo
Abi