Whenever I Lived in Denial, I Was Happy
Is the combination of these two concepts a “happy ending”?
There’s something about selective ignorance that always catches my attention. Closing one's eyes to reality and embracing a childlike idealism, you can achieve a poetic and fanciful life. I picture these scenarios, often, and an unreal serotonin rush goes through my chest.
Perhaps true happiness lies in seeing less, in knowing less. My self-sabotaging personality often raises this question, especially when I’m hyper-aware and concerned about my circumstances, and stuck on where to get started. Because, unfortunately, the less you know, the lighter you feel. You avoid the overthinking, the pressure, or the need to “get your hands dirty.”
“Don’t know, won’t answer.” That’s a straightforward life motto I question myself on following. Nothing hurts that much, nothing feels heavy on the shoulders. It’s a smooth transition through life.
Until it does. One day, the denial catches up with you, and it hurts. You ignored or avoided things for so long that they ran right over you, and you can’t stop them anymore.
My last memory of complete fulfillment is from a few months ago. Everything felt right, in its place, or may I say “in control”?
But, how many things did I ignore to feel that way? and what’s the true cost of denying reality?
When Not Knowing Feels Like a Blessing
Ignorance can feel like a haven. Don’t tell me you’ve never felt relief from not knowing something:
Not knowing what your ex is up to saves you heartache.
Not knowing how to assemble a shelf saves you effort (someone else will likely do it).
Not listening to the latest political rant saves you heated arguments.
You get the idea.
Selective ignorance or denial protects us. It shields us from the stress and anxiety of unnecessary information and the burden of learning new things. And, I admit it—as a dreamy, idealistic Aquarius, this was my mindset for a long time. I select those matters that my gut feeling tells me to learn. The rest? Unnecessary storage I don’t have available in my RAM.
But what happens when we cling to this approach indefinitely?
What you don’t see or know, will eventually catch up with you. Because one truth cannot be denied, and that’s that no one escapes reality.
The Illusion of Control
So, if I stop denying, I can take control, right?
I’m surprised by how ambitious we believe we are to think we truly influence what happens outside of us—other people’s emotions, circumstances, the future. Sometimes, I feel like everyone around me feels like a superhero. It’s ironic how we treat life like a spreadsheet of cause and effect as if we had responsibility and influence on every matter around us.
You’ve been there: if I think more, act more, fix more, everything will be fine because I have control of my circumstances. What happens depends on me and only on me.
Ok fella, calm down!
I know Instagram told you you’re capable of becoming this “super-person” in 15 days. But remember how life was before those idealistic videos made you believe you could become a software engineer at Apple offices in California just by searching for the right remote jobs? Or that you can cook Vietnamese dishes just by buying peanut butter, soy sauce, and garlic?
Somehow, we ended up in the wrong place, and now we believe we can do whatever we want with our circumstances. But that’s a lie.
There’s a lot you can do, but some things in life, you just can’t control, my friend. And that’s fine!
Control is an illusion. We can’t control what truly matters—when someone leaves us too soon, when illness strikes, when we lose a job (ahem!). These are the very things that define a “happy” life, and they’re entirely out of our hands.
The desire for control pulls us away from freedom. The more you try to grip the reins, the more you realise they don’t exist. Everything changes. Everything is uncertain. The only truth we can hold onto is that we control absolutely nothing.
Want someone to change? Let them be. Their actions will show who they really are.
Want to hear what you want? Listen without expectations.
Want to start exercising? Go for a run instead of scheduling it for Tuesday.
Are You Happy, or Just Faking It?
Now comes the uncomfortable part of this reflection. Can you truly call yourself happy if you’re living in denial? Or is it a false happiness built on avoiding reality?
Many times, my “peace” came from looking the other way. But this kind of happiness is unsustainable. Happiness based on denial has an expiry date. Sooner or later, reality knocks at your door, and you have no choice but to face it.
The Double-Edged Sword of Knowing More
Knowing more means new possibilities—but also new worries. Knowledge is a double-edged sword. The more we know, the more we’re weighed down by overthinking, decisions, fears, and anxieties.
We live in an age of endless data, opinions, and expectations. Sometimes, knowing more leaves us paralysed.
That’s why I’ve embraced certain “healthy” forms of denial for my mental health. For example, I’ve learned to avoid books that overwhelm me with negativity (like this one). Yes, I know the internet is shaping our thinking, and yes, I know it’s all a bit much. But knowing that is enough for me—I choose not to dive deeper into that rabbit hole.
The more we know, the more cracks we see that we didn’t notice before. The constant overstimulation is exhausting.
Abandoning Denial Isn’t Easy
These days, I try to live in truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Denial brought me happiness at times, but it was always a shallow kind of happiness that I no longer chose. Weak foundations lead to weak results, and we only get one shot at this journey—so we might as well make it count.
Some Tips, as Usual
Denying is merely surviving. Growth comes from facing the truth.
Embrace the discomfort of reality. It hurts at first, but it leads to freedom.
Find a balance between control and letting go.
If something feels complicated, confront it. Don’t take the easy way out.
Filter the information you consume. Learning is great, but don’t overwhelm yourself.
Disconnect from overstimulation. We can know everything today, but we shouldn’t.
Your Turn
What do you prefer: being blissfully unaware, or living authentically uncomfortable in pursuit of stability?
Drop me a message or leave a comment—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for sticking with me and supporting this project!
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xoxo,
Abi